If I Loved You (Hollywood Hearts 1) Read online

  “Oh God, Chaz, I’m sorry, so sorry. I didn’t mean that. Your generosity is…is…fabulous. I love you for it. I do. It’s not your fault people chose to misunderstand.”

  Tears clouded her eyes again and Chaz ran his thumb over her bottom lip. He kissed her hair. “Don’t worry, little chick. We’ll weather this storm. I’ve lived through worse.”

  They ordered dinner from room service and ate on the terrace again, staring out at the twinkling lights of Phoenix at night. “Do you want a white picket fence to go with your perfect husband and two children?” Chaz grinned as he sipped his coffee.

  “I think I’d like to stay in the city, but a country house for weekends and summer might be nice.”

  “I fell in love with Pine Grove when Quinn and I played there. But that was ages ago. It might have changed by now.”

  “What about you? Two kids for you…and a wife?”

  “The whole dream. I want it all. I want the perfect Thanksgiving with the biggest turkey money can buy, and the perfect Christmas with a giant tree. I love holidays, and I’m tired of pressing my nose against the glass of other people’s lives. I want my own holidays with my own family. I want to be missed, to be welcomed home. I’m tired of returning to an empty house…no one to share my woes or a good laugh with.”

  “Ready for marriage?” She cocked an eyebrow at him.

  “Maybe.” Chaz shot a shy smile her way.

  He moved the dining cart into the hall so they wouldn’t be disturbed. They decided not to make love as it was late and Chaz had an early call. Meg was due to leave on an eight o’clock flight anyway, so they simply cuddled together. She had a fitful night, tossing and turning, unable to leave the worries of the day behind her. At one point, she awoke from a nightmare, sitting straight up with a gasp. Chaz rolled over and placed his palm on her back.

  “You okay?”

  She took a deep breath. “I think so.”

  “Come here,” he ordered, tugging her gently into his arms.

  Once he enveloped her, she relaxed against him, closing her eyes. She listened to the even rhythm of his heartbeat while the slight warmth of his breath tickled her cheek. Like a lullaby or a rocking chair, his presence soothed her and she was asleep within minutes.

  The squawking of the clock radio woke them at four the next morning. A subtle knock at the door signaled the arrival of their morning coffee. Chaz rubbed his stubbly face, slung a robe around his long body, and went to the door. The Phoenix Observer News was folded up and on the cart alongside coffee and sweet rolls. He poured out two cups and sat back in a chair at the table.

  Covered by a fluffy robe, Megan joined him a few minutes later. He unfolded the newspaper and turned to the arts section, bending the newsprint back so he could see only the arts page. He glanced at it for a moment, trying to smile as his gaze met Meg’s across the table.

  “What? What does it say?” She knit her brows and stared at him.

  “Have your coffee, take a moment, relax.”

  Meg stood up and snatched the newspaper from his hands. Her eyes quickly scanned the page until she found it…there on the first page was a picture of the two of them. The headline read “Financial Advice With Benefits.”

  Then the subhead, in bold type, “Harvard Honey Shacks Up With Chaz for Love or Money?” She read the headline out loud as she sank slowly back down into her seat.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Meg sat stiffly upright in the limo next to Chaz. He slid his hand over hers and she smiled at him shyly, but didn’t break the silence. He looked out the window at the darkness and early, faint streaks of dawn. The quiet was broken by the sound of “If I Loved You” sung by the original cast of Carousel from his phone. Startled, Meg looked up at him.

  “It was a lucky song for me,” he explained, picking up his phone. He read Allie’s name on the display and let it go to voicemail. I know what she’s going to say. Don’t want to talk to her.

  The phone rang again and again. Finally, there was the ding of an incoming text message. Chaz tried to resist looking at it, but hope won out over dread and he tapped on his inbox.

  Saw papers. U r wrecking ur career. Dump her.

  The message was from Allie. He frowned, anger bubbled up in his chest. Before he could delete the message, Meg snatched the phone from his hand. “Let me see.”

  “No, really, it’s nothing. Give it.” Chaz grabbed for the phone, but Meg whipped the phone in front of her eyes long enough to read the brief message moments before he plucked it from her hand. She gave a tiny gasp and Chaz said, “Don’t listen to her. I’m not going to do that. My career will be fine. It’s just a sensational headline today. It’ll die down.”

  “I don’t want to wreck your career…you’ve worked so hard, sacrificed so much to get where you are, Chaz…”

  “What happened to ‘Dunc’?” He took her hand between both of his.

  “I left him in the bedroom.” Her eyes twinkled for a moment, and her hand gripped his.

  They sat back against the leather seat, shoulders touching and hands joined until the driver turned the final bend, leaving them only two miles from the studio.

  When the limousine jerked to a stop, Chaz turned to her and took her in his arms.

  “It’s going to be all right,” he whispered.

  She clung to him and he sensed a small tremor shoot up her back. She’s scared and won’t admit it. Damn.

  “I wish I could be with you…to face this thing. Don’t talk to reporters. They’ll only twist anything you say.”

  “Maybe we shouldn’t see each other for a while. I mean…I don’t want the press to hurt you.”

  “I’ll decide who I see, not my agent and not the press. I want to be with you, Meg I’m…we’re…it’s good…we’re good.”

  She nodded, but still he spied the tears in her eyes. “No more trips to Phoenix.”

  Chaz was silent.

  “You’ll be here for what…another month?” She lifted her eyebrows.

  “Probably. Maybe less.” He cupped her cheek.

  “So for a month…I won’t come to visit. Until this dies down.”

  “We can talk on the phone and on the computer, right?” Anxiety at the possibility of losing her filled his heart.

  “Right. After that…who knows.” She tried to smile, but was unsuccessful.

  He kissed her and stroked her hair. Emotion gathered in his chest and choked him. Never had trouble saying goodbye to a chick before. Suddenly his eyes watered too, so he hid his face in her neck. Her arms squeezed him tighter, and he knew he hadn’t fooled her. Why does loving her feel so good and so bad at the same time?

  “I’ll be okay. I’m strong. I have Mark and Penny…and Grady’s waiting for me.”

  “Grady? Oh, yes, that porky little pug.” Chaz laughed, remembering his funny face.

  “He’s not porky. He’s slimming down now that I’m giving him long walks every day.”

  “He’s cute…I’m jealous. He gets to sleep with you every night.”

  Meg slapped his arm lightly and grinned.

  “I’m glad you have him for company,” Chaz said, smoothing her hair with his hand.

  “Mark’s in training and the season begins soon, so I won’t be seeing them for quite a while.”

  “You’ll be lonely. Call me every day. Don’t fall in love with anyone else…will you?” His brows knitted.

  Her eyes grew wide, and a tear slipped out of the corner of one eye.

  “How could I? I’m in love with you.”

  She reached up, pushing his hair off his forehead and out of his eyes.

  “We’ll be together soon, little chick,” he said as the chauffeur opened the car door.

  Their hands joined for one last touch as he slowly exited the car. When he glanced behind for one last look, he saw Meg watching as he walked to the studio door. He stopped to wave at her. A heaviness settled in his heart as he turned to go inside.

  * * * *

  No one said
anything to him about the newspaper headlines. They probably haven’t seen the paper yet. After all, it’s only five o’clock. He began his routine in makeup, then ran his lines and got ready to shoot his scenes. Glad to have work as a distraction, he found his concentration and did what he was there to do.

  At the lunch break, he saw an occasional glance or sidelong look from a fellow actor or a cameraman. Word is out. Shit. The looks he got were sympathetic rather than judgmental as so many others there also lived in dread of having their privacy invaded by the media.

  After filling a plate from the buffet table, he retired to a corner to eat by himself and check his phone. It was loaded with messages. There were seven from Allie, two from Quinn, two from Bobby, and one from Meg.

  Knowing Meg was on the plane and may not be able to talk on her phone, he called Quinn first. “Saw the headlines, buddy. How you doin?”

  “Life sucks.” Chaz took a bite of his sandwich.

  “What happened?”

  “Thought I could tell the truth, but the press twisted it made Meg look like a call girl.”

  “Yeah, that’s the impression I got. Too bad. She seems nice. I was going to congratulate you on finally picking a winner.”

  “Yeah, and she’s mine. So hands…and everything else…off. She told me you went out with her.” He picked up his Coke and sat back.

  “Coffee, man. Just coffee. Checking her out. Wanted to make sure she wasn’t taking you for a ride.”

  “And?”

  “She’s the real deal.”

  “I know.” He bit off a piece of pickle.

  “Are you coming back to New York?”

  “Planning to.” Chaz took a forkful of potato salad.

  “I’m going on location in South Africa in two weeks. You’ve got keys. See you there in October, eh?”

  “Yeah.”

  Chaz hung up the phone and finished his sandwich. The strains of If I Loved You caught his attention, and he saw another call from Allie. He sighed before answering.

  “I’ve been trying to reach you…”

  “I’m shooting today, remember?” He tried to hide it, but a note of angry impatience seeped through.

  “Don’t you get a break? Never mind. Have you dumped that…that…troublemaker?”

  “She’s not a troublemaker. I pay you to run my career, not my private life.” His voice rose.

  “You’re not going to have a career left if you stay with her. I hope the Broadway producers don’t see that headline.”

  “Why?” He calmed down.

  “Because that kind of scandal can tank ticket sales…they might drop you.”

  “Where’s the contract?” He slumped against the back of the armchair.

  “Uh…I didn’t finish going over it. I’ll send it out express to you tonight.”

  “Allie! What are you waiting for?” Chaz bolted upright in his chair.

  “Hey, don’t yell at me! There’s a clause in there about behavior and bad press anyway.”

  “Meaning?” His eyes opened wider.

  “Meaning they can dump you, replace you any time. So you’d better stay away from this chick, Chaz, if you want Broadway.”

  “They’re calling me. I gotta go,” he lied.

  Chaz hung up the phone and downed the last of his Coke. Maybe Meg was right. Maybe we’d better cool it…for a little while. The thought of not seeing her or talking to her sent a pain through his heart. Broadway…Do I have to choose…Meg or Broadway? God, I hope not.

  He sat lost in thought and did not hear them calling his name. The director came up to him and poked him in the shoulder. “Dunc, we’re ready. You there?”

  “Huh?”

  Startled, he looked up and smiled at Marly Griffin, the director, and stood up. “Sure, Marly. Ready to go.”

  He gathered his plate, empty soda can, and napkin and dumped them in the trashcan nearby. Marly put his arm around Chaz’s shoulders as they walked back to the set.

  “I got a frantic call from Allie this morning…”

  His words stopped Chaz in his tracks. Marly looked Chaz square in the eye and continued, “Yeah, she said something about you wrecking your life. You’re old enough to know the difference between a chick and your career, Dunc. We’ve got two more West of the Sun scripts in revisions right now…would love to keep you on as Grady Spencer…know what I mean?”

  “Don’t worry about me, Marly. I’ll be there.”

  Marly released Chaz, leaving to talk to the cameraman while Chaz found his place. Meg. …Meg…what should I do? I love you, but…it’s a lot of pressure. Chaz checked the message from Meg.

  Hi. Plane landed and I’m on my way back home. Miss you already. This is going to be harder than I thought. At least I’ll have Grady. But you’ll have a whole set full of people. Please don’t fall for a sexy actress. Love you, gotta go, heading into the Midtown Tunnel.

  The tension drained out of his shoulders as a smile crept across his face. Meg…love you too, little chick. Love you, too.

  * * * *

  A week later, exhaustion slowed Chaz down. Long hours and stress ate at him. He got a call or text every day from Allie, pressuring him to give up Meg. Every night he called his little chick, barely able to say goodnight before collapsing into bed. He didn’t catch up with Bobby because their schedules didn’t mesh. He wanted to explain to his old friend what happened, but he knew in his heart Bobby understood. Thank God for Bobby and Quinn.

  Pressure on the set increased as the movie threatened to go over budget. Equipment breakdowns and sick actors caused unscheduled shooting delays, making producers frantic and the director testy. Chaz struggled to keep his focus and concentration on the film. The pleasant atmosphere dried up, replaced by tension and impatience. Chaz spent his lunch hours running his lines repeatedly and dodging Allie’s calls.

  Cast and crew members who had been friendly to him previously, turned their attention to their own jobs. Joking, teasing, and fun gave way to sniping and griping. Once again, Chaz isolated himself from the others. This is work and these people are not my friends. After the newspaper article, several actresses who had showed an interest in Chaz backed off. He was relieved but annoyed at the same time, even though he had no interest in them.

  One night after dragging himself back to the hotel, he undressed and got into bed. Too tired to talk, he reached for the lamp sitting on the nightstand when his phone rang. The song made him smile as he recalled singing with Meg. Assuming it was her, he answered without checking.

  “Hi, little chick,” he murmured.

  “Little chick? It’s Allie. Who were you expecting?”

  Chaz closed his eyes and sank into his pillow. “Allie, I’m too tired to fight with you tonight.”

  “I’ve been trying to reach you for days.” He could hear the exasperation in her voice, and he didn’t care.

  “I don’t want to talk about Meg.”

  “Just listen then.” Her tone turned cold, making him open his eyes and sit up.

  “I’m listening.”

  “You lost Broadway.”

  “What?” He bolted upright, and his eyes shot open.

  “That’s right. What I’ve been trying to tell you all week…but you wouldn’t pick up the phone.” Her smug attitude made him want to slap her.

  “I’ve lost Broadway…what does that mean?”

  “It means they have replaced you. Too much scandal. The producers pulled the plug.”

  “Oh my God.” Chaz pulled up his knees and rested his forehead there.

  “That’s right, honey. You traded your dream for a couple of nights with…what did you call her? Oh, yes, ‘little chick.’ Hope it was worth it. Hope you’re happy.” The line went dead.

  Chaz rubbed his hand over his face then threw a pillow against the wall. Shit! What have I done? He picked up the phone and called Bobby.

  “Hey, what’s up, man?”

  He explained what happened while blinking back tears.

  “You tr
aded Broadway for the chick? Tough break, Dunc. Tough. But I know you. This is the first important chick in your life. This isn’t your last chance at Broadway, is it?”

  “Don’t know. Maybe, maybe not.”

  “Hell, first—get a new agent. That Allie’s a bitch. You dig this chick, don’t you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “She’s special?”

  “Yeah, so?”

  “So get a new agent, find another Broadway show, and keep the chick. By the way, hope that other show falls on its ass big time. Gotta go, baby’s cryin’. Hang tough, Dunc.”

  Bobby hung up the phone. Chaz sat back and thought about what Bobby said for a moment. Too wound up to sleep now, he got up and trekked into the kitchenette for a glass of water. Then he threw on a robe to sit on the terrace, staring at the blinking lights until the phone rang again. Allie, back to rub salt in the wound one more time? He answered gruffly, “Salt in the wounds, Allie?”

  “Chaz?” Meg’s voice was uncertain.

  “Meg! Oh, Meg, I’m so sorry. I thought you were Allie.”

  “What salt in what wounds?”

  He was silent.

  “What’s happened? Something happened. I can feel it.”

  “I lost Broadway.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

  “What?”

  “I’ve been replaced. I’m not doing Broadway.” He cleared his throat.

  Now it was Meg’s turn to be silent.

  “Meg? Meg, are you there?”

  Her voice shook over the phone. “I’m here. I’m sorry…so sorry. You lost your dream…it’s my fault.”

  “It’s no one’s fault.” He gritted his teeth.

  “I should get out of your life…I’m wrecking it.”

  “No!” His fisted his hand and banged it on the small table.

  “I am, we are…this isn’t working.”

  “It is for me. I love you.” I can’t lose you.

  “Still? After all this?”

  “Shit happens in this business. You don’t know how many parts I didn’t get before West of the Sun came along. You get used to it…maybe that’s an exaggeration, but each one hurts a little less…”